A Little About ME... :)

...since we've been strangers to the bloggy world for a couple of months now. I'm just not good at keeping up. What can I say?

Before I got married and had kids I thought I "had it together" for the most part - as far as feeling somewhat in control of life, keeping a pretty and clean home, etc. Since I've gotten married and had kids, I've been progressively amazed and distraught about who I've "become" in that regard. Over the last year or so, I've been learning a lot about myself through books and FlyLady.com. Some things I already knew, but as I read more, I'm more convinced of different things. Like...that I am a perfectionist, and if I don't feel like I have the time, energy, or "know how" to do something the way it "should" be done, then I feel INCREDIBLY overwhelmed, sometimes a bit depressed, and the end result is that I become "crippled" and don't do anything. Then my house (and everything else) goes down hill until I can pull myself together again. (I will confess that even as I write about this, I feel a little "sheepish" :), because I think I'm "weird", but oh well, this is me...)

Well, I feel like I am rounding a corner and that God is faithfully changing me - little by little. My friend Autumn loaned me a book called Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul, or something like that. It's been GREAT for me!!! I think every mother can relate to giving, giving, giving, and giving some more, then feeling completely drained, with NOTHING or LESS than nothing left!!! I LOVE my family FIERCELY. I would absolutely NEVER choose another life than the one God has given me!!! I am moved to tears when I think about how MUCH I love Beau, Asher, and Ainsley. I am BLESSED!!! And at the same time, my soul needs to be FILLED by God EVERY day, or I become an unpleasant mess, because no one can give the way a wife and mother are required to (and blessed to) and not feel depleted at the end of the day. Even as I type this, I feel rediculous, because it seems like complete common sense, but it's been the struggle of my life to set aside time every day to give God the place He deserves. Anyway...the book I've been reading deals with making it a priority to get your sould filled by God every day, and I've seen SUCH a difference since I've made that commitment AGAIN in my life. (This whole issue is so much more complex than anything I could ever describe in writing.)

So...I certainly don't have it all "together", which I know is actually a good thing, because it keeps me striving toward the goal of knowing God more every day, but lately my days have looked something like this: Beau takes care of the kids for a while when they wake up, and I stay in bed reading, journaling, and praying. Then sometimes I EVEN take a shower before he gets his turn. :) I am being silly, but this has actually been a really big deal for me to make a conscious effort to get dressed and ready for the day at the BEGINNING of the day like a "normal" person does. :) (I know it would be ideal for me to get up earlier, but I haven't conquered that part yet. :)) Then I go downstairs, feed the kids and myself breakfast (if they haven't eaten yet). Then I get to work. Breakfast dishes done, beds made, straighten anything that needs to be straightened, get the kids dressed, get laundry going, etc. By the time all of that is done, it's usually 10:00 or so, and we generally either go outside and play for a while or go into town for errands or something. And then the rest of the day consists of what you would think it does, fixing meals, playing, changing diapers, potty training (when I remember - we're working on it!), cleaning, dishes, straightening, laundry, naptime, bathtime, bedtime, etc., etc., etc. (You may be wondering why I'm writing a post like this. It may be a little BORING, but it's what's been going on with me, and this is my "journal". :))

So, thanks to God, Autumn for loaning me that book, the lady who wrote the book (I can't think of her name right now), and FlyLady. I am focusing on a few new daily habits that are really helping me a LOT: 1)concentrated (even if not super lengthy) time alone with God, 2)getting ready for the day (not staying in my pjs all day :)), 3)making our beds, 4)keeping the dishes (especially since we don't have a dishwasher) and laundry "done", 5)keeping things picked up, and 6)decluttering for 15 minutes a day. Again, these things seem SO BASIC, I KNOW, but to break it all down has really been helping me. And I also want to say that there are so many more to credit for teaching me these things and encouraging me in them over the course of my life. I've been inspired by countless people and resources throughout my life in these areas...like my MOM! :)

Even as mundane as these things sound, they (and my kids, hubby, and life in general) keep me on my toes! It's a full time job to "keep up", and I'm still trying to figure out the balance of it all, because although I'm happier these days from keeping up with the basics, I'm SO TIRED by mid-afternoon or so, and I haven't quite figured out yet how not to be. I usually try to rest during naptime, and that helps for the afternoon, but then I'm ready to "quit" by 7:00 in the evening. :) Luckily, Ainsley goes to sleep at 7:00, but Asher doesn't. I'll welcome any tips, but maybe being tired is just part of life. :)

Well, I planned to fill you in on the kids too, but I've got to go fix lunch. So...I'll leave you with this for now, and I'll make it a point to update you on them later this afternoon. They're changing every day, and we're loving every minute of it...ok, maybe not EVERY minute of it, but you know what I mean!!! :)