Sunday, March 29, 2009

"I knit you..."

This weekend, I've been swallowed up by the mess in my house...again! And this may not sound like a big deal, but it effects me emotionally! It's a very real problem for me. I don't understand WHY it is, because this was not "me" as I grew up - and even before I got married. But it is. I want to change - desperately. That's why it's so discouraging when I look around and find myself in my mess...again! So I was reading my emails from the FlyLady tonight, and I read this:

One day, before our newest grand-baby was born, I was struck by these words from God "I knit you..."I looked over at the baby blanket draped over the child's wicker rocker in the corner of the room and started to think about how I felt while I was making it. I LOVED knitting each stitch of this light purple blanket! I followed an elaborate plan that I had settled on, one that I had never made before - not one stitch was haphazard. Every inch of yarn passed through my fingers as I crafted it. I savored every minute of knitting it and deep satisfaction and pride filled me as I watched the beauty of the pattern develop in the yarn. And when it was complete I was absolutely thrilled. I thought, "I love this! I can't wait for everyone to see this beautiful gift that I've made!!!" It took my breath away. This is how God feels as His fingers knit a life together in the quiet of the womb. He delights in His new creation, as he works the intricate pattern that He has never used before. When his plan is complete He thinks, "I love this child! I can't wait for everyone to see this beautiful gift that I've made!!!" "Oh God, this is how you felt when you made me!", I whispered as tears quietly ran down my cheeks. I bowed my head and worshiped, adoring the one who could love so deeply and feeling the embrace of the Knitter.Understanding that I was designed the way I am - on purpose - has made all the difference! I am free from trying to do life like everybody else. I am free to finally love myself and enjoy the adventure of discovering the way of learning and flying that fits how I have been patterned! Beautiful!

I have thought a lot about God being the Orchestrator of each of our lives...the tapestry that He is constantly creating. But I had not ever thought about it quite like this lady described. I thought it was very sweet, and it helps me to think about again that He created me to be ME. I just have to rest in the that and figure out what that means. =) It feels kind of silly saying something like that at 32 years old, but aren't we all still being shaped by Him? I know that we are. And by golly, I'm going to figure out how to be ME and have a clean house at the same time. =)


Kathy said...

Oh Sara, I totally know where you are right now. Just know you are not the only one that feels that way! I put lots of pressure on myself...I feel that I am blessed to be able to stay at home so my home should be in perfect order...and it's not...ever. I'm finally beginning to be ok with that. I have made BIG strides though and that makes me happy enough. :)

Love the knitting story.

I believe that we don't find who we truly are on earth. We get to try to figure it out one day at a time, but we are never perfect until God takes us home. My philosophy on life changes daily, but that's how I'm feeling

Sara said...

I agree with that Kathy! =) Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. That always helps! Love you!